[Fluffy]

Ok here is a little story, sadly it took longer to explain than I wanted.

A lot of members of my family play bridge, and some of them are kinda relevant to the local players.

I'll resume the important members (all of them have 'Goded' as last name):

-Grandmother Pilar (94): Cofounder of one of the oldest city clubs (circulo de bridge), mother of Federico and Paloma.
-Father Federico (59): Arguably best spannish bridge ever, writter of many books, many bridge columsn, articles, and direct teacher of more than 20% of total players in the city. He is my partner for the last years and we have won many tournaments.
-Mother Maria José (died december 2007): Mostly known for beign tournament director for many many years in a club in the outskirts.
-Aunt Paloma (55): Good bridge player, but now mostly known for taking the direction of the club after my mother died.
-Sister Alejandra (29). Also directs on the club where my mother used to.


Now for the important part. For the last 3 or 4 years, since I have started to play from time to time in 'Circulo de bridge' where my grandmother used to play every day (now she is starting to play less and less but up to being 90 she would still be fully independant and go to play most days). At least 20 different people have asked me about my mother, but refering to my grandmother.

And it is not a misswording mistake, at the start I would sillily be a little offended and althou knowing what was going on I would reply that my mother died in 2007. That was a stupid thing becasue they were jsut trying to be nice, and they would feel shocked at first since they have met with my grandmother recently, and would be totally puzzled or confused or very sad for thinking my grandma was gone. Even more stupid because I have come to realice this people do really care about my grandma who is really great. But this has nothing to do with the question of this thread, I have changed my stupid behaviour. But even then, people has kept asking me about my grandma, but thinkiing for some reason she is my mother.

Today a guy even asked me about my sister, but referring to my aunt, this time I was confused because my sister does actually direct where my aunt also directs wich is where he said he met her, an yes, it took him quite a lot to realice the mistake, so its not a slip, it is that in their minds it is really attached that my relationship with my grandma is mother-son. And I wonder why.

Maybe my beard plays a role on all of this making me look older?, all those people (and I really mean a lot of people, maybe not 20, but 15 at least) are of the next generation, older than my father, but not of my grandma's generation, somewhere between 60 and 80.

I am not sure if they think that me and my father are brothers, or perhaps they think me and my father are the same person, they might have stereotyped us as one. I am far from being offended now. But I am so curious as to why this happens, and somehow it is the logical thing to happen because it happens to so many people.

And its not like some people failed and some didn't. On this years maybe 2 or 3 off that circle have talked about my grandma, referring to her as my grandma, everyone else who has talked about her, refers to her as my mother. So I suspect people who have not talked about her think probably the same.

[Vampyr]

I wouldn't worry about it.

[barmar]

No idea if they're right, but I have a couple of guesses.

One, maybe people have a natural tendency to equate "grandchild" with children and teenagers. So if you look like an adult, they're not going to assume that you're a grandchild. How old are the people who make this mistake -- people in their 80's and 90's are probably used adult grandchildren (some of them may be great grandparents), but middle-aged people aren't.

Another, three generations of a family sharing an interest may be unusual.

[blackshoe]

barmar, on 2013-February-09, 20:54, said:

No idea if they're right, but I have a couple of guesses.

One, maybe people have a natural tendency to equate "grandchild" with children and teenagers. So if you look like an adult, they're not going to assume that you're a grandchild.

Everybody is somebody's grandchild, and they don't stop being one just because they reach 21.

[kenberg]

Possibly I have something of an explanation. I keep straight who my kids are and who my grandkids are, but on occasion I slip up with children/granchildren of others. As far as I can recall, I have always caught myself and corrected it, but not always before speaking. I don't think I am exactly in denial about my age, but the fact is that it is a change. Thirty years back the young people I knew were often my friend's kids. Now the young people I know are often friend's grandkids. I know it, as long as I think about it, but it's an adjustment and sometimes I don't think first. I am no longer young. I do know that. But it slips my mind sometimes.

[TimG]

I think it is merely a case of thinking of grandchildren as children.

Don't worry about it until you go out with your father and strangers ask if you are brothers.

[barmar]

blackshoe, on 2013-February-09, 21:03, said:

Everybody is somebody's grandchild, and they don't stop being one just because they reach 21.

Of course they're someone's grandchild, but that someone isn't usually your acquaintance/peer. And unless you're very old, the grandchildren of people in your generation are mostly children.

[barmar]

TimG, on 2013-February-10, 09:23, said:

I think it is merely a case of thinking of grandchildren as children.

That was my point.

[Cyberyeti]

I had this sort of thing in a supermarket. Some years ago I was shopping with my mother, I'd guess I was 30, she was 56, and the cashier said something to my mother about her husband (referring to me), it made her day. I guess it's just being uncertain of peoples' ages and assuming what the brain suggests is the most likely relationship for the situation.

[Fluffy]

yes, but on my case, we are not strangers at all. They have known my grandma for more than 30 years, and my father as well. When I started to shine on the bridge locals some people would call me by my father's name. And some people often tell me how he and I look alike, not only physically. Maybe that has something to do.

[Cyberyeti]

Fluffy, on 2013-February-11, 06:35, said:

yes, but on my case, we are not strangers at all. They have known my grandma for more than 30 years, and my father as well. When I started to shine on the bridge locals some people would call me by my father's name. And some people often tell me how he and I look alike, not only physically. Maybe that has something to do.

You may be lucky in Spain, in my club the median age must be at least 75 so things like that would not be unlikely.