[Winstonm]

New Element Found

The recent hurricanes and skyrocketing oil and gasoline prices helped to prove the existence of a new element. In early October 2005, a major research institution announced the discovery of the heaviest element yet known to science. The new element has been named “Governmentium.”

Governmentium (Gv) has one neutron, 25 assistant neutrons, 88 deputy neutrons, and 198 assistant deputy neutrons, giving it an atomic mass of 312. These 312 particles are held together by forces called ‘morons’ which are surrounded by vast quantities of lepton-like particles called ‘peons.’ Since Gv has no electrons, it is inert. However, it can be detected, because it impedes every reaction with which it comes into contact. A minute amount of Gv causes one reaction to take over four days to complete, when it would normally take less than a second!

Gv has a normal half-life of 4 years; it does not decay; but instead undergoes a reorganization in which a portion of the assistant neutrons and deputy neutrons exchange places. In fact, Governmentium’s mass will actually increase over time, since each reorganization will cause more morons to become neutrons, forming ‘isodopes.’ This characteristic of moron promotion leads most scientists to believe that Gv is formed whenever morons reach a certain quantity in concentration. This hypothetical quantity is referred to as ‘Critical Morass.’

When catalyzed with money, Gv becomes “Administratium’ (Am) - an element which radiates just as much energy as Gv, since it has half as many peons but twice as many morons.

[helene_t]

Actually, the symbol Am is already in use. It's "Americum". Not a coincidence, I supose.

In the Netherlands, the critical morass was reach last night when the combined concentration of Sp (Stupididum) and CDA (Conscience-Degrading Acid) became too high to allow any reaction to take place.

[Winstonm]

Probably a misprint - administratium is probably Ad

Actually, I didn't think Americum had any particles of its own but simply borrowed all it needs to function from chinium and japanium.

[hotShot]

Isn't what you describe the mysterious undetectable "dark matter" that is supposed to hold the universe together?

[helene_t]

Yes. There are some science fiction thrillers about what would happen to the universe if the dark matter suddenly disapears. One of the more extreme scenaria took place in Iraq.

[sceptic]

Actually for some well educated people, you are sadly misinformed,

The newest element in existence is Blairium, this was discovered approximately 10 years ago by the great english scientist Peter Mandelson, the remarkable thing about this element is it has a twice life (this is the exact opposite of a half life) where by in 10 years it has increased it density two fold)

unfortunately it is in danger of losing its place in history, at the next election

[barmar]

Over time, most of the particles of Americum are transferred by osmosis to Indium.