[Winstonm]

Having slept a refreshing 3 hours in a squatting position in a Humvee, eaten a single meal of dried apricot pits, and won a best 2-out-of-3 one-armed push up contest against General Petraeus, Army General Stanley McChrystal had time to make a speech to the German group "Daughters of Revolutions Germany Never Had" where he encouraged President Obama "to simply quit dawdling and commit to move the entire population of Montana to Afghanistan."

McChrystal went on to say, "The 967.000 additional Americans on the ground in Afghanistan would give us about a 3-1 advantage over the entire native population and bring us a 50-50 chance of being able to waste enough time to dream up a phony-baloney mission that we can claim to have successfully completed so we can continue to increase the phony-baloney natiional defense budget while the nation we defend can only find jobs at WalMart selling 'Support Our Troops' bumper stickers that were made by slave laborers in China.. Anything less is sure to lead to America being vanquished by that sneaky guy in Kabul who we can find 3 times a day in the same mosque kneeling on the same rug with his head down so he can't see us sneaking up behind him. Damn. Talk about a hard target."

McChrystal bolstered his claims for a successful surge by noting that the 967,000 residents of Montana now mostly support U.S. aims, are used to living in cold, mountainous, desolate regions, and already speak English. "To win their hearts and minds shouldn't take much more than two or three more years of drone strikes and not more than 5,000 additional troops," McChrystal said. "Then we could call this war a draw and get on with invading someone else we might have a chance against like Granada or the Virgin Isles."

The 967,000 residents of Montana could not be reached for comment.